Recap from last blog
For the last few months I began losing weight, and I began to lose my hair. After having so many symptoms, I finally went to the doctor and that’s when I got the news that I had developed…..To be continued.
Today:I ran my fingers through my hair and it shed and shed and eventually started falling out in clumps. I automatically thought, I knew i shouldn’t have colored my hair. First time coloring my hair in almost 5 years and boom instantly breaking and drying out. I looked like a scarecrow. But there were braids and wigs to save the day.
I began pressing my foundation into my skin and it just sat there on top, me with a cake face. If you know me you know I don't play bout my beats. I blended and blended, pressed until my hands got tired. That’ll do for now, nobody will notice but it may be time to go see Dr. Ringo (dermatologist)
I woke up in the middle of the night and felt like I had just run a marathon. I was covered in a cold sweat and was so thirsty I could drink a tub full of water. When I got up for work, there it was again that unquenchable thirst I couldn’t shake. I went to the store and grabbed a few liquid IV’s and Gatorade. Maybe it was all the shots I had last night, I was throwing ‘em back.
Two days later, still thirsty as thee fuck.
I got out of bed and I felt like there were barbed wires covering my floor. My feet felt heavy and were in excruciating pain. I knew I shouldn’t have tried to wear heels, I just kept pushing and trying anyway. One night,I was in so much pain I had to limp to the kitchen and grab ice to bring down the inflammation in my feet.
Finally I said okay, I'm thirsty, tired all the time, something is up. Not being a fan of the doctor, I made a call and got a same day appointment. Your weight is down, have you been trying to lose weight? Yeah my whole life why? The nurse gave me a look like…. girl, just answer the question. I'm trying to make better choices but no I haven’t been trying to actively lose weight.
The blood pressure is great, the most normal it’s been in a while.
I struggled with my blood pressure for years as far back as high school age. At one point it was so bad I blacked out at the kitchen table. Here I was at 34 finally having a normal blood pressure and was ecstatic about that. I had lost some weight too?? Ok doctors visit!
Any chance of you being pregnant?….ma’am no way. Next question…..We’re just going to draw some blood to test your sugar. Next thing I hear is …
Nursseeeee! Get some insulin in here right now ! Ms. Walker, you are diabetic and you have a glucose level of over 600. If you would have come in any later, you may have gone into a diabetic coma with these numbers. A dia- what? I got the sugars??? The normal A1C range is under 140 MG and I was at 600, steadily working, and eating , like nothing was happening inside my body.
It was a quiet car ride back from the doctor. My 1st thoughts were, both of my parents were diabetic and died of cancer. Is that what's in store for me? Is cancer just waiting around the corner? Luckily I'm type 1 and it is reversible. My doctors and dietician have been working closely together to develop a very specific plan to reverse it. The first few weeks were very difficult. I was taking several new medications that had some serious side effects. I was still tired, now I have low iron and magnesium levels so here's another prescription. There's another ssue that was causing some disruption to my regular living. I had no desire to be intimate. My mind wanted to have sex, be touched, but my body was not reacting. Nothing was helping to revive my sex drive. I’ve heard of men suffering from erectile dysfunction due to diabetes, but women ??? It is true, the sugars made me … dry. There were several other side effects but I think talking about my sexless driven body was enough.
In addition to my diabetes meds, I'm still on all my pills from the psychiatrist. My kitchen cabinet looks like a drug store.
I started the process by cleaning out my cabinets, and fridge. Goodbye cheesecake, cookies, my favorite cereals. It was hard because I realized that I was consuming so much sugar and not paying any attention.
I started eating vegetables everyday, drinking water like crazy, and no cakes and pies.
Luckily, I have found healthier alternatives that have been satisfying my cravings. As of today I have lost nearly 40lbs. My goal is to lose 100lbs by next year.
As I navigate this new lifestyle, I started noticing other areas of my life that needed some revamping. I live by the belief that I have to take care of myself, and do whatever makes me feel good, and brings me joy. I needed joy to push me forward. I started saying no a lot more which has helped with burnout and simply not doing things I don’t want to.
I see a shift happening. I’m speaking up for myself, saying how I truly feel as opposed to saying ok. I got so fed up with my own shit…have you ever just looked at yourself and asked, “what am I doing?” I had that moment a few times. It became clear to me this journey was not only about my health, but my mental stability and creating a life that I want, a life that is going to bring me the things I desire most. I desire to have a family, husband, a dog or baby(I'm still debating if I want children, another story for another day ) . I had to ask myself, what are you going to do differently this time? I’ve done the fake diets, done the same ring around the rosey antics in my personal life, and it's gotten me nowhere. So I made the decision to start making some changes. I decided to choose m. Listen to myself and take control! . Anything I'm doing right now is in the best interest of me, my health and the life I want to live. This new chapter, year 35 I’m becoming more gentle with myself. I can't wait to see how far I can go. I hope you’ll continue to watch my journey and get inspired to start your own.
